I’ve worked at the mall for five years now and i could literally go on for hours on how annoying people are when they shop. seriously it seems like once you step foot into the food court all common sense gets thrown out the window and everything is one big dumbass convention. so in a sad attempt to regain some sanity and lower my bar tab I’ve taken it upon myself to enlighten you all on a few helpful tips to make your shopping experience better and keep the poor helpless mall worker from wanting to murder you.
first of all: I’m very sorry your jeans ripped, yes i’m aware that you paid 80 dollars for them, however, yelling in my face is not going do anything. first of all my friend, you wore these every single day for the past two years, did you really expect them not to rip? theres more fucking sparkly shit going on the butt that I’m not actually sure if those are a pair of miss me’s or my moms last craft project so naturally i understand why your upset that the single piece of fishing line thats attaching that giant fucking rhinestone fell apart. wait a second….you decided you should buy a 25 when your really a 28? yeah….i don’t really understand why they ripped right in the butt either. seriously people? use your fucking brain. if you don’t want the gems to fall off. stop buying sparkly jeans. they ripped and your pissed? yeah. me too. its called a patch. and its a $1.50 in the walmart craft department. my favorite part about this situation is always how much you think that yelling at me is going to do anything. I’m a 23 year old who works at the mall to get 40% off clothes and to pay my rent….i don’t make your precious jeans and trying to tug at my emotional heartstrings because i need to stand behind “my” product. is horseshit. if you’re really that angry how about you just give the manufacturer a little jingle and complain to them because you’re annoying me.
folding 101: for the love of god it is not that fucking hard to gently pick up the stack of clothes you are looking at and gently set them back down where you found them or if that really is too difficult for you ASK US TO FOLD IT. literally you’re not ring helpful by rolling it up and shoving it on the shelf because 9 chances out of 10 we literally just spent 20 minutes fixing that table because of the last idiot who did the same thing. I’m going to start coming into your offices and tip all your desks over because basically you just did the exact same thing to me.
this next one is very important: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME!! your 12 year old neighbor will literally jump out of her seat to babysit and your mall experience will be much more enjoyable for you and everyone else. if you plan on not taking this advice and you have decided to cart your offspring around the mall please bring something to entertain him/her with. they are going to get bored quickly and start crying. it literally happens every. single. time. once said child starts screaming bloody murder FUCKING PICK IT UP. seriously. i don’t understand how some of these morons even became parents. every single day i see parents that are more concerned with their new pair of rock revivals than they are with the fact that not only is their child screaming their brains out, but every single person and their newly acquired migraines hate them.
miscellaneous things to remember:
if you LOVEEEEE a shirt online: fucking buy it. we DONT have it and getting mad about it to me will only cause annoyance that was easily avoidable by $5 in shipping costs
if i tell you we only have one size of everything: for the love of god the next thing out of your mouth better not be “really???” because i don’t enjoy your company enough to waste my breathe about these things
you love a shirt we had 6 months ago and want me to find it but you don’t know how to describe it?: -_________-
“i saw a girl wearing these miss me’s and they were sparkly. do you have them?”: you. literally. have. to. be. joking.
if you found a shirt online and decide to be smart enough to call and see if we have it but the only information you have about it is the description: seriously…do you honestly think we sit around memorize all of the descriptions on our online store? aint. nobody. got. time. for. dat. annnnnd plot twist. they name 90% of those the same thing.
its 8:50 and the mall closes at 9, they won’t care: YES WE WILL! get out. seriously the mall is open from 10am-9pm. how can you not get there in the regularly scheduled hours? yes, it was our choice to work there but seriously we have lives and we’ve been getting annoyed by you all damn day. go home. come back tomorrow. I’m sorry you live 3 hours away but maybe you should have thought about that because the world does not revolve around you.
no. we don’t have sales going on. if we had sales going on. we’d tell you. no. I’m not going to cut you a deal. you saving money is not worth me getting fired.
i genuinely do feel bad when you don’t get helped, but please cut us a little slack, our minds are going a mile a minute with all of the things we need to do and i promise if you just take the time to approach us and ask for help we’ll be all about it.
do you need a fitting room?: okay great. ask for one. don’t just stand creepily near them with a cranky look on your face. (see comment above)
“i want this wash, but with this pocket”: well let me just go right in the back and sew that up for you….im not the keebler elf. stop being so picky.
last but not least: if you are going to walk really really slow….DO NOT walk in the middle of the aisle making it completely impossible for someone to get around you. its irritating and you’re wasting my precious time.
so my friends, next time you go to the mall, please put yourself in the shoes of the people that work there and use your brains because I’m willing to bet if the tables turned you’d be just as fed up as we are.